Have we all of a sudden started living like the Jetsons? Or afraid of the apocalypse? The pandemic has done a number on the dating scene. In the blink of an eye, going on a date IRL seems to be taboo. The latest change in dating aps is choosing your status as "virtual" and "social distancing," or "with mask." What?!
I've been on two dates during this pandemic. At least I think there were two.....apparently the impressions were less than memorable. They both sounded great on the phone and had substance to the conversations. Trump Jr (as I like to call one) communicated like I have envisioned. Phone calls for no reason other than they were thinking of me. He had the hardiest laugh. And although he didn't really ask questions (which I know isn't the norm nowadays), he was able to get me to tell him about myself. But...as is with dating sites/aps, there is always someone waiting in the wings (on their side, not mine). His texts became less and so did the phone calls. Trump Jr seemed very particular with what he wanted in a relationship (as he should) and had a unique way to weed out the undesirables. I get the sense you want the Cliffs Notes version so here it is.....met him for "lunch," which consisted of guac and chips, at what he called the "best Mexican restaurant" in the area. Obviously he doesn't get out much. He said he could do anything for an hour. You guessed it, after an hour, he somewhat abruptly ended our "meet and greet." To his credit, he did let me know he wasn't interested in pursuing....through a text. And if truth be known, not sure I was all that impressed with him IRL (code for in real life....why don't we just use the words?).
I knew immediately when Caveman (as I call the other one) walked up, there was zero chemistry. He also called and we talked for a couple of hours. He told me stories that sounded funny and heartfelt. There wasn't much to this "meet and greet." At times, crickets dominated the conversation. What drastically lowered this impression was when he talked with his mouth full. If that wasn't bad, he held his fork like a hammer, sometimes paired with talking with the mouth full. Not appealing. Guys! Come on!
I did message with some unmentionables. Texts and messages that seem to go in circles. At age 50....okay almost 50, I'm not interested in playing games. And ironically, that phrase appears mostly in dating profiles. No games and no drama. Um, okay. Walk the talk I say.
The digital age has seem to dominate not only the working world, but starting to consume the dating scene as well. Not sure about you, but a "virtual date" is just not the same as a live date. And when someone chooses "virtual" or "social distancing" as their status, what does that mean? It doesn't mean the same as single, divorced, etc. Are they virtually single? Maybe social distancing while divorcing? I wish Bumble would come up with different choices with relationship choices. "Don't know" and "Not sure yet" are so open ended. That almost means the same as casual. I'm not looking for casual.
....and to add to random thoughts, what is it with the sunglasses in EVERY picture. Wearing a mask in a picture is bad enough, but paired with sunglasses, the man almost looks like a wanted poster.
I've realized a few things during these strange and uncertain months....any semblance of normal socializing has all but withered. For months, there was no human interaction. No reason to dress up (shower for that matter). No excitement of putting a face to the voice heard over the telephone or texts exchanged for weeks. Paused. Instead of articles offering advice on first date good night kisses, the internet was swarmed with articles on how this pandemic has changed dating. As if singles didn't have enough to worry about!! Is it safe to kiss? Do you still go out to eat? Suggestions on "virtual dating." I don't know about any other singles, but if I'm going on a cooking class date, it better be IRL.
Not that I had much of this prior to this pandemic, but it just magnifies the fact that possibility of physical touch also decreased. Living alone, human touch isn't something in abundance. Besides the small nervous kisses at the end of dates, gone were the high fives at boot camp. Gone were hugs from friends. Hands can't be held during a zoom call. Staring into some dreamy eyes virtually just isn't the same.
And although I try to keep this blog PG, there is this....(and not that any chances came up - at least there were possibilities prior to IT), s-e-x (whisper) has been taken off the table. I miss what a real kiss feels like. I miss holding hands with a man I find attractive. I miss feeling an arm around my shoulders.
Being single, dating and afraid (no more true than now), and trying to navigate this strange world, sitting at home, there's no one to talk to. No one to ask about your day, or to express your anxiety over when will the mask mandate be lifted or when will dancing be allowed. No one to calm you with their assurances. There is Facetime and Zoom, but who wants to see themselves in the chat window or gallery?!
Dating apps might be raking in profits, but the scenery hasn't changed. I've learned, with the exception of a few, men on dating apps never seem to keep a conversation (of substance) going for more than 5 minutes before their eyes catch another shiny object.
Virtual dating is not any more above the bar than IRL dating. Men might think virtual dating is easy.......no commitment of time on their part, no need to pick a restaurant, let alone plan a date. Doesn't stop them from canceling. Ghosting still happens. So where does that leave the dating world in 2020?!
Not sure about the other singles, but I'm still dating and afraid and probably will be come 2021!
Christina
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