Rule #22: Sometimes it's okay if you don't get back up

Is there ever a craving that nothing will ever satisfy it?  This has been the longest year I believe I have experienced.  Year 2020 has broken all sorts of records in just about every category; weather, news, and life in general.  One of the biggest areas being the dating scene...at least for the singles.  

Now, normally although men are not knocking down my door, in a given year there might be maybe 3-4 blind dates (meet and greets).   I remember the feeling of anxiety and excitement of meeting someone new.  Would there be chemistry?  If there was, would there be a good night kiss or hug?  

The prospects on the dating sites and apps have been almost nothing in the last few months.  I don't remember craving the touch of a hand so much.  Holding hands.  Those hands fitting together.  Craving that light, nonchalant good night kiss.  Talking for hours.  Laughing uncontrollably.  

If the only choices were to transition to "zoom" dating or live like a crazy cat lady, I might have to opt for the latter.  I'm sorry but zoom/virtual dating is not dating.  No hands can be held.  There are the light touches.  Just two pairs of eyes staring into a computer screen.  No thank you. 

I'd rather binge watch reruns of some mindless TV show than go on a virtual date.   And it looks that way.  The weather is already turning colder.  I have plenty of nice warm and a blanket or two.  

Even with the world reentering what it used to know, the dates I've been on, other than the lack of chemistry, felt weird.  I mean, what do you talk about?  Regardless of the situation, guys still need to step up and not let their words speak louder than their actions.  

For each of us, there are certain things that make us feel giggly or that we might like the other person.  For starters for me, if I like the way you talk on the phone, there's hope.  I talked with a man recently and after I hung I felt nothing whatsoever.  

This time has given me the opportunity to really think about what I want.  I'll be fifty next June.  What I wanted even in my early 40s may change now.  I mean, early 40s I was just starting to play the dating game.  Now, after have some time under my belt, there are things that I would rather have than others.  

I had what was the 3rd date of 2020.  Picture it:  Boy matches with girl.  Girl messages boy.  Boy calls girl and they talk for hours.  Boy asks girl to dinner.  Dinner was wonderful and we then drove through a neighborhood to look at Christmas lights.  He seemed to be a well rounded man.  Respectful.  

But, as I can predict these things now, it was one and done.  So I proceeded to pick apart the entire evening.  Was it something I said?  Or didn't say?  I'll never know.  It's rare that a man will text you to tell you he doesn't have an interest in pursuing.  Instead, they choose to ghost.  Seriously?!  

I'm frustrated and tired of going on one and dones.  Would it be better if I pretended not to be interested in case the man feels the same way?  Society has made it difficult for the dating game to succeed.  A man looks at a woman and if she weighs more than 150 lbs they assume she can't keep up with him, or she's not "fit and toned."  I would love to tell these men that yes, I may not be a super model but I workout 5-6 days a week.   Society has made it difficult to succeed because of the unwritten rules and "scripts" men are to follow.   

When someone really, truly wants to talk to me, see me, wants me and make me part of their day, it's more attractive than what they may be wearing.  Or that they shaved their beard.  What happened to that?  

I'll turn 50 in 2021 and I've decided to take a break and remove myself from the dating game.  Bench myself.   I'm not sure for how long.  Some men need a refresher on how to treat women and how to date.  

For now, I'll just be afraid in 2021, minus the dating.  

Rule 40: IRL still means In Real Life

Have we all of a sudden started living like the Jetsons?  Or afraid of the apocalypse? The pandemic has done a number on the dating scene.  In the blink of an eye, going on a date IRL seems to be taboo. The latest change in dating aps is choosing your status as "virtual" and "social distancing," or "with mask."  What?! 

I've been on two dates during this pandemic.  At least I think there were two.....apparently the impressions were less than memorable.  They both sounded great on the phone and had substance to the conversations.  Trump Jr (as I like to call one)  communicated like I have envisioned.  Phone calls for no reason other than they were thinking of me.  He had the hardiest laugh.  And although he didn't really ask questions (which I know isn't the norm nowadays), he was able to get me to tell him about myself.  But...as is with dating sites/aps, there is always someone waiting in the wings (on their side, not mine).  His texts became less and so did the phone calls. Trump Jr seemed very particular with what he wanted in a relationship (as he should) and had a unique way to weed out the undesirables.  I get the sense you want the Cliffs Notes version so here it is.....met him for "lunch," which consisted of guac and chips, at what he called the "best Mexican restaurant" in the area.  Obviously he doesn't get out much.  He said he could do anything for an hour.  You guessed it, after an hour, he somewhat abruptly ended our "meet and greet."  To his credit, he did let me know he wasn't interested in pursuing....through a text.  And if truth be known, not sure I was all that impressed with him IRL (code for in real life....why don't we just use the words?). 

I knew immediately when Caveman (as I call the other one) walked up, there was zero chemistry. He also called and we talked for a couple of hours. He told me stories that sounded funny and heartfelt. There wasn't much to this "meet and greet."  At times, crickets dominated the conversation.  What drastically lowered this impression was when he talked with his mouth full.  If that wasn't bad, he held his fork like a hammer, sometimes paired with talking with the mouth full.  Not appealing.  Guys!  Come on!  

I did message with some unmentionables.  Texts and messages that seem to go in circles.  At age 50....okay almost 50, I'm not interested in playing games.  And ironically, that phrase appears mostly in dating profiles.  No games and no drama.  Um, okay.  Walk the talk I say.  

The digital age has seem to dominate not only the working world, but starting to consume the dating scene as well.  Not sure about you, but a "virtual date" is just not the same as a live date.  And when someone chooses "virtual" or "social distancing" as their status, what does that mean?  It doesn't mean the same as single, divorced, etc.  Are they virtually single?  Maybe social distancing while divorcing?  I wish Bumble would come up with different choices with relationship choices.  "Don't know" and "Not sure yet" are so open ended.  That almost means the same as casual.  I'm not looking for casual. 

....and to add to random thoughts, what is it with the sunglasses in EVERY picture.  Wearing a mask in a picture is bad enough, but paired with sunglasses, the man almost looks like a wanted poster.  

I've realized a few things during these strange and uncertain months....any semblance of normal socializing has all but withered.  For months, there was no human interaction. No reason to dress up (shower for that matter).  No excitement of putting a face to the voice heard over the telephone or texts exchanged for weeks.  Paused.   Instead of articles offering advice on first date good night kisses, the internet was swarmed with articles on how this pandemic has changed dating.  As if singles didn't have enough to worry about!!  Is it safe to kiss?  Do you still go out to eat? Suggestions on "virtual dating."  I don't know about any other singles, but if I'm going on a cooking class date, it better be IRL.  

Not that I had much of this prior to this pandemic, but it just magnifies the fact that possibility of physical touch also decreased.  Living alone, human touch isn't something in abundance.  Besides the small nervous kisses at the end of dates, gone were the high fives at boot camp.  Gone were hugs from friends.  Hands can't be held during a zoom call.  Staring into some dreamy eyes virtually just isn't the same.   

And although I try to keep this blog PG, there is this....(and not that any chances came up - at least there were possibilities prior to IT), s-e-x (whisper) has been taken off the table.  I miss what a real kiss feels like.  I miss holding hands with a man I find attractive.  I miss feeling an arm around my shoulders. 

Being single, dating and afraid (no more true than now), and trying to navigate this strange world, sitting at home, there's no one to talk to.  No one to ask about your day, or to express your anxiety over when will the mask mandate be lifted or when will dancing be allowed.  No one to calm you with their assurances.   There is Facetime and Zoom, but who wants to see themselves in the chat window or gallery?!  

Dating apps might be raking in profits, but the scenery hasn't changed.  I've learned, with the exception of a few, men on dating apps never seem to keep a conversation (of substance) going for more than 5 minutes before their eyes catch another shiny object.  

Virtual dating is not any more above the bar than IRL dating.  Men might think virtual dating is easy.......no commitment of time on their part, no need to pick a restaurant, let alone plan a date.  Doesn't stop them from canceling.  Ghosting still happens.  So where does that leave the dating world in 2020?!

Not sure about the other singles, but I'm still dating and afraid and probably will be come 2021! 

Christina