Ruled No. 33: Life is not fair.....and neither are the dating "rules."

"That feeling you get in your stomach when your heart's broken.  It's like all the butterflies just died." 

"If you're brave enough to say good-bye, life will reward you with a new hello."

Believe it or not, I have tried to remain not as transparent or open in most posts.  I've tried to remain modest, appropriate for what this blog is.  I carefully think of what I am going to write....to put on the screen.  But tonight I must be transparent.  I must express my true disappointment.   

The last 2½ months I thought had been good with Match guy.....I would even go as far to say great. Yes, there were some bumps, pot holes, but I still thought everything was headed on the right track. Apparently I was blind...not because I wanted to be.  I thought it would be different this time.  I mean, what else was I supposed to think when he wanted to see me and called me honey.  Shared very personal things with me about his past.  The solicited (or not so solicited) thoughts were that a man wouldn't share that information if he was only into casual dating.  He mentioned giving me access to his children's' numbers in case something happened to him.  He told me he "didn't want to think of me with anyone else.  Didn't want to imagine me with anyone else."  

Apparently I have been making excuses for Match guy.  I admired the fact he was dedicated to his job.  A job that required long hours.  Travel.  Yet he would still communicate with me.  But apparently when a couple is dating, if a man wants to talk to you, he will respond to a text with kissy faces even if he's in the middle of a meeting with customers.  And when he was sick with the flu, bronchitis, and a cough, I hoped he felt better.  Is he still supposed to text/call me when he has fever, chills, a cough?  

The last date was a good one....I thought.  He actually suggested we do something.  Bowling.  He picked me up.  We had fun bowling.  Showed a little PDA.  I suggested we try the Italian restaurant we were going to go to when we first met.  It was a nice evening. Nothing appeared off.  When he took me home, kisses good night were nice.  He texted when he got home.  Said he also had a good time.  So where did it go wrong?  Did it go sour after our text on Wednesday or Thursday?

I decided to tell my sister about him.  I needed some advice other than from friends.  My main reason for talking to her was to find out when I should tell our mother I was dating someone.  But.....after this last week, I wasn't so sure.  There were no calls.  Texts, yes, but no calls.   She gave me the same information my friends had.  Not that I didn't believe my friends. But when she asked her husband for a man's perspective, I realized I have been fooling myself.  So, the second time, fool me twice, shame on me.  He was bothered that Match guy hadn't called all week.  He said when a a guy wants to talk to you he'll talk to you.  So, in essence, I was forcing this relationship to make a step past the start line.  

So here I am yet again heart broken.  Yet again wondering what in the hell is wrong with me.  It is hard for people to understand yet they say they do.  I don't want to be told anymore that God has someone for me. If he does, where is he!?    I don't demand a lot.  I will not text all day long.  I do not have issues with kids (although I'm not sure I want young ones).  If a job requires travel (aside from a traveling salesman), I understand.  I knew that about him from the first day we met last year.  

I am tired. I am frustrated. I realize I've forced whatever effort there was.   I've never been chased. I've never been presented with the opportunity to ask someone to help me move something, or with anything and return the favor with dinner.  I realize I've come to the party late.  Maybe that's the problem.  There are no late comers or tardies to the party.  Don't be tardy to the party.  I believe some men have taken advantage of me, and getting what they want (getting laid or must a make out session) and then run away.  Okay, so maybe I gave in too early.  So that's the hook.  So that means he won and doesn't have to chase anymore.  Shame on me.  I get it.  I've gotten a good morning text now and then but not every day.  Apparently there's supposed to be one every day.  

How is it some can find true love and yet others may never find someone?  I've tried the church thing. There are those that are old enough to be a grandfather, or young enough to be my child, or just women.  So I either settle for a geriatric, date someone that could be my child, or become gay.  I've tried hanging out at a bar but yet I never get approached by anyone.  Is it because I'm not blond enough?  Is it because I'm still not small enough?  Don't like Walking dead. What is it?? 

So can you take a long winter's nap in the Spring? I feel rejected, fooled, like a failure.  Failure that I didn't see the obvious.  Failure because I haven't followed the rules.  Fooled because if truth be known, it was over a month ago. Fooled because I thought it would be different this time.  

The suggestion is for me NOT text or call him.  Let him make the next move.  But when do I realize he's not going to text or call?  Further, he's a coward (and a fool I suppose) if he doesn't step up and let me know he's not in.  I've also been told he's the fool.  It's his problem.  I guess so....but if so, that means I'm the problem.  Match guy was the first man that I had real feelings for.  The first man who I got excited to see.  Got butterflies when he texted or called.  I pictured myself with him.  

Any dating MISadventures are on hold for now.....but I'm still "Dating and afraid."

Christina 

Rule No. 12: Sometimes names are changed to protect the innocent...or not so innocent.

It was a toss up between Christina and Bonny as my name. I was named Christina, because according to my mother, it sounded like a unique name.  Ha!  I ended up going to school with a few Christinas, one of which lived down the street from me, spelled her name the EXACT same way, and whose birthday was just 3 days before mine.  

No I don't have a black book with names and stars by those names.  There's no spreadsheet listing names and ratings.

Last December, Mr. Wonderful walked back in my life.  Mr. Wonderful because he possesses all the qualities I look for.  As in any new relationship, there are those stages, but the comfortability is there. He does have an actual name, which I like saying, but for now he's Mr. Wonderful.  And I like the way he says my name.  Names such as honey, dear, and babe have been bounced around.  He makes / inspires me to do things I've never thought of doing.  On our most recent date, he mentioned jumping out of an airplane.  Now, while I may not jump out of one, I might do the iFly with him.  I also get excited about camping with him.  We have many things in common.

 After I got my feet wet in the dating pool, I gave guys names.  Until I was sure about them, or it wasn't just casual, one time kind of thing date.  It wasn't that I didn't like their names, but it was easier when I'd talk to my friends.  Plus it became entertaining.  Sometimes the name is what they do, or something about their personality, or what they wore.  

First dip in the Tinder pool was with a guy we'll call Electrician guy. (he had a different name but to further protect the innocent....) I don't know why I agreed to meet him for a drink.  He was not my type at all.  And I should have listened to him when he tried to tell me just what a Tinder date is. Ha! Have a good laugh.  We texted back and forth and he eventually disappeared.  Never to be heard from again.  

The next few "dates" from Tinder seemed to blend (more like blur) together.  There was Law Guy who worked as a computer forensics at a law firm.  He actually planned a date at a nice restaurant. We had things in common, but in the end, no sparks, no chemistry, and the fastest (well second fastest) good-bye I've ever experienced.  Again, several texts after the "meet and greet," but nothing substantial.  I somehow figured even mentioning I looked forward to seeing him again scared him. He was gone just as fast as his kiss on the cheek good-bye.  

Oh, then there was Sport Coat Boy.  Now outwardly he appeared normal.  We thought along the same lines.  He dressed okay as far as I could tell.  The only things that gave him away and bothered me were he stared at the game instead of me on the only date.  He lived at home (which no, is not a total deal breaker, but a downer) and somewhat looked like he lived in his truck.  He, too, was after one thing and made it somewhat clear.  I thought I'd see him again, only to be fooled.  

What is that saying?  Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.  

Oh, these must not be forgotten. Two Mr. Fifty Shades. One more harsher than the other. I actually passed one of them today on my walk at lunch.  The more handsome one; the harsher one. The second Mr. Fifty Shades wanted a blended version. What?!  Yes I was intrigued, but not enough to go forward with either of them.  When the conversation sounds like an interview, hmm, that's a little strange.  

Can't forget the pilot.  Arrogant.  Baby mama drama.  He had the fastest good-bye.  He started walking me to my car, but not even halfway, he darted off the other direction.  Disappeared into the night.

Then there was the singles group.  Goodness!  Single Peeps (I'll leave out the name to protect the innocent!)  Although just Single Peeps doesn't say much about it.  I met a couple of good guys in the group. There was the PBF (yes there is such a thing...in Single Peep land)....meaning "Pretend Boyfriend." Explanation for another time.  PBF...that's what I'll call him.  Distance kept us apart, also he worked nights, and I worked days.  But he surprised me at my 5k and felt comfortable to sit and have breakfast with me and my girlfriends afterwards.  Good, grounded guy.  Superman v2 was sprinkled somewhere in there.   According to sources, had the reputation of a player.  

The last one takes the cake.  We'll call him Game Boy, to protect the real name I gave him.  However, he's the one (before Mr. Wonderful) I dated the longest.  It started at the Rodeo cook off last year. Then he latched on to me for the next month.  The one and only night I was at his house, I felt like one of his roommates (oh it gets better) friend (a woman) was going to steal my  jean jacket if I took it off.   That was just the start.  Too many issues to count.  I woke up and realized it wasn't what I wanted.

There were a few more;  Superman v1, the horny neighbor, the confused one, not to mention the one who stood me up.....the coward.  But I think I have found my own "Mr. Big."

I suppose I gave these men names because I knew they were just passing through.  And when I look back, my friends and I can laugh about the Pilot, Superman, the Gerkin (oops revealed the real name), knowing they were just tests (lessons) before I happened upon  the real thing.