Rule no. 53: Sometimes the teenager gets loose

Admit it, we all have that part of us that is still a teenager....when it comes to men.  When he says hi or asks for your number.  I had a friend post something about a man she met. And how he did all these little things and she was giddy inside.  That's how we're supposed to feel.  Sometimes the grown up wants to suppress the teenager, but really is just looking out for us.....as a friend of mine did for me.  

I have to admit, when Match guy reappeared, and he told me what happened with his piece of the past, the teenage girl didn't hear that this woman had some really deep issues and needed to seek help. All she heard was he was available again!  And he had reciprocated and was glad I reached out. She couldn't drag out her notebook fast enough and start doodling.  Right up till he kissed me the mind was in control.  The mind repeated "Act breezy. casual."  Since then, a battle has been fought between the mind and the teenage me.  I am trying to understand a man doesn't have to text you EVERY day to prove his interest in you.  Someone once sent me that saying, If he misses you, he'll call, etc.  True to some extent.  I just don't believe a busy man is going to stop a meeting with clients or the head of the company and say, Excuse me, this girl is texting me and according to the implied rules, I must answer now.  Or while he's sick in bed with the flu (as Match guy is), fighting chills and aches, he's going to reach over and send a text.  I have talked to several women who say their husband (men in general as well) are horrible texters.  Yet, the teenager recites the rules one by one.  

Since Match guy is back in  my life, I can't keep the teenage girl quiet.  Back flips when he's around. Just knowing he wants to see me.  Staring at the photo of us from "before" and thinking what an amazing man he is.  Yes I know what he did was not right.  But whose to say I wouldn't have done the same thing.  I can't blame him for wanting to see if the spark was still there.  

The other night, while waiting on him to finish his meeting, I had the worst anxiety attack.  I guess the teenager just couldn't take it.  Pacing back and forth in the hallway, getting a head start on the wine.  But then as he texted he was leaving the office and would be there soon, we both heaved a sigh of relief.  Wiped our hands across our foreheads.  Whew!  Someone said we're starting over.  If it were up to me, I'd count the dates we had before.....well you know.  Doing it that way, there have been 7 dates.  But another friend (yes, they come out at the oddest times) said we're starting over.  If that is true, then I need to get past the 4th date.  

There is something to getting a text from the man you like in the morning.  It's like you're seeing the words, "I'm fine, I'm alive."  We should feel confident enough that when that text bleeps across our phones, we see it and move on.  But no......we stare at it.  We may cry a little.  I feel like I'm held hostage by that little texting screen and keyboard.  Why should my life be ruled by bleep when a text comes through?  Yet it does.  I heaved a sigh of relief when he texted on Sunday.

Some days I find comfort that are more ladies that I realize that are single and dealing with this.  This, the unknown, the giddiness, the will he or won't he?

Not sure if the teenage girl will ever go away.  I kind of like her.  She reminds us it's fun to be excited about someone new.  To doodle in sparkly pink pen on a notebook.  The cold hands, the anxiety and anxiousness of seeing him....it's all part of it.

Till next time....
Christina.........I'm dating and afraid!