Rule No. 20: What you found attractive at 20 or 30 is not the same at 45

There was a Diet Coke commercial about 9 years ago with a shirtless guy in it.  You know the one....with the women standing at the window watching the construction worker take off his shirt to show of his six pack.  It's funny how a movie like Magic Mike brings on girls' nights around the world.  Sure those guys are beyond good looking.  But I realized something this past week. 

Like any woman, I find any guy with a six pack attractive.  And at age 20, maybe even at 30, that would have been the first thing I look at.  I mean, at that age, have we really formed a list of what we, as women, look for in a potential partner?  

This last month I met a great guy......through an online dating app.  I was actually on it for entertainment because I was feeling down.  We started texting and had a phone call before we met. After talking to him and meeting him, I found him to be a great guy.  We had a second date when he returned from a business trip.  Since then, we've discovered more about each other and he's proven to be one that wants to get to know me.  He's asked questions that made me think, "Huh, he really wants to know more about me."  

I have shared more with this man than I have with any other guy in my most recent dating history. And it's amazing how comfortable I feel with him.  I think one of the signs that he was genuine and wanted to know more was when he told me not only was I outwardly beautiful but inwardly as well. That meant a lot to me.  And I know he wasn't just saying that to get something in return.  

I also noticed he has, so far, just about everything on my list that I look for.  We've joked about that. He's also told me he's gotten off the dating app and cancelled his subscription.  Some people say that's huge.  It could be an important step......even so early in the relationship.  You know, when you start seeing someone, you often wonder if there are other women in the picture.  Is he dating not only you, but several at the same time?  This guy has told me he's the monogamous type person and doesn't date several at one time. 

After several failed one date wonders, and short lived relationship, I must say this guy makes my heart flutter.  I can't wait to see him.  Knowing he likes me.  Yes it is still fresh and new, and I am trying to remain cautiously optimistic, but I see potential in this one.  

The things that attract me to a man these days are so different than what I found attractive 20 years ago.  As I went reviewed my list, I moved some to a "nice to have" list.  If he can make me laugh and feel special, then he's a 10 to me.  He doesn't have to have the buffed abs, six pack, or 6' frame. 

I look forward to seeing where this new adventure takes me.  Is it a relationship yet?  Not quite.  Do I want it to be?  Yes.  We have spent quite a bit of time together.  I've met his two teen age kids.  We've had about 4 dates.  I have to sit on my hands as not to over think everything.  It is different for every budding relationship at what point do you call it one.  Some know after just a month, it takes awhile for others.  He does not want to rush anything.  And although I find myself wanting to spend more time with him the more I am with him, I know it takes time to build something.  So stay tuned.  

This girl is dating and afraid!

Christina 

Rule No. 40: Once the ball is in his court, you can't touch it.

After having many one date wonders, I thought why chase after something that's probably not there?  I often have friends suggest I do this or that.  Text this.  Email that. Wait for him to do this.  What!?  No.  Really?  Their reply is "Then the ball would be in his court."  Ahh!  The dreaded ball! I told my friend the ball usually gets tossed to someone else's court or just stays there.  Do guys really know when the ball is in their court?

This last week I took a chance and got out in the wicked weather to meet a guy.  He sounded so nice on the phone and he made the effort to get out so I thought why not.  I thought the date went well. He made me laugh and we seemed to get along.  I mean he told me he liked me.  There was mention of a second date.  I am the literal kind.  I am going to believe someone when they tell me they like me. When someone says "we know where our next date is going to be" and "I'm looking forward to it too," I believe it's genuine.

History suggests that women let the men pursue them.  And I believe that.....I will admit that I like to be pursued.  I like the fact a man may think of me in the morning and send me a text.  Or anytime throughout the day.  But in today's world, women find it hard to let go of the proverbial ball and let it drop.  I know I do.  Although I like the guy to do the "leg work," I also feel like sometimes I need to nudge it along.  I've been told that's not the way to do it.  The ball is in his court and if he wants to pick it up, he will.  Sometimes I feel they pick it up but don't necessarily know what to do with it. Interference with the age old dating game is frowned upon.   In fact, the ritual of dating is quite ancient that has not caught up with modern times.

I suppose some of my moves could be construed as intrusive.  Maybe it's because on one hand I like the mystery of not knowing his true intentions.  On the other hand, maybe it's the benefit of the doubt and the fact he's busy.  I understand men like the chase.  I sometimes wonder if the chase can be different depending on the man.  What I think I do right is apparently wrong!  Wrong wrong!  So this guy and I texted through yesterday.  And now today nothing.  I know, I know.  It's only been one day, but doubt starts to set in.  When in truth, reading the dos and don'ts, he decided he wasn't interested.

So yet another one date wonder goes down in the books.  I've had quite a few of those.  I do much better when a man is upfront and owns the fact he is not interested.  I don't do well with the mixed signals.  I read in an article to think of dating as ballroom dancing.  Follow a man's lead and you'll never lose.  I guess that would explain my lack of success since I can't dance worth a flip!

Here's to over 40 dating and afraid!

Christina