Let’s face it. I am certainly not an expert in the dating arena. It has been challenging. Difficult at times. I started this blog to chronicle my dating MISadventures. While at the same time, letting a good one (or what I thought to be a good one) sneak in a time or two. In high school, I did not have a boyfriend; although I had several crushes on a few. Nor did I date at the young age of 16. I wandered through 2 years of college without a single interest. At some point, I thought finding THE ONE was part of the grand life plan.
The
twenties and thirties breezed through and before I knew it I was in my 40s and
still single. Never been married. Never
had a real relationship. Maybe me being
overweight was a factor. I shut myself
off from the world because, in my mind, overweight women just don’t find love. So now the middle to late 40s are well under
way and yet no man friend. Friends (and
strangers) have good intentions when they tell me someone is out there; but I really
find that hard to grasp. If there was, I
believe the person would have made himself known. I really wish you could walk in my
shoes. I don’t receive invites. Happenstance doesn’t happen to me. Too many one date wonders. Too many weeds.
I
have become tired. Restless. Frustrated.
Somewhat hopeless. There are some
people who are not meant to be in long term relationships and I believe I am
one of them. I have longed for the
relationship of yesteryear (with of course today’s technology). I am tired of hearing of “rules.” I do not wish for much. A normal man. Someone to hold hands with. Someone
who will let me know how he feels. Yes,
text a time or two. Not leave me guessing. And there are more.
Why
is it so challenging? Have I been told I
am beautiful, smart, funny and a host of other things just because? Have I been told those things just so someone
could get something in return? It is a
harsh reality I hope my married friends are thankful they do not have to
navigate. I will admit I fell prey to
some of it. Part of my exploration I
suppose.
I
have given myself and the men in the world too many “second chances” or “one
more time.” Not sure what I was
expecting from those last-ditch efforts.
The questions “Why are you still single?” or “Why have you never been married?”
can only be answered so many times. In
their heads, men probably want to tack on “….at 46.” Online dating is certainly not normal. To its credit, I have met some interesting people. I am a magnet for the ones trying to “fake it
till they make it” or to get lucky. I
have reported more fake people than I care to.
I
have thought of trying something different since the conventional way of dating
/ long term does not seem to be in the cards for me. But that idea probably would not work either.
The next 4 years will zoom by (look how
this year has) and before I know it, I will be 50! Fifty and single – never been married. And at this point, I am not sure I want to be
married. Long term, yes. Bride, not so sure.
If you’ve reached this point,
congratulations! I promise I’ll wrap it up…
Why
am I putting time / energy into this blog?
The energy needs to go to my other blog that has inspired people. Not sure what I’ll fill my time with but I am
sure I will find something. If it weren’t
for the dating mishaps I have experienced this blog would not exist. However, at the same time I do not flourish
when writing for this blog. I will work
on cultivating the relationships I have with my girlfriends. After all, they are my salvation.
This
is my last post on this blog. I know I have
said I’m giving up more than a time or two.
Third time is the charm…. right? I
will not be showing up at any reunion. It
is not in the stars (as the sweet 16 me used to think) for me to have a special someone. They just don’t know
what they are missing out on. I have
been told time and time again “it’ll come when you’re least expecting it.” Thank you, but the saying does not carry much
weight any more. I have not disappeared
off the grid altogether. Check out my
other blog (one that I truly have experience in) and Instagram. And you can always text or message me.