Navigating the dating world at age 45 has been a twisted whirlwind of an experience. A game. It is not the same as in the 20s and 30s. The 20s and 30s are about having fun, finding that piece of eye candy, one where the eyes fixate on. Maybe dating casually. Technology hasn't helped the dating world either. For the generation that has grown up with smart phones, texting becomes second nature. And in the 20s and 30s, maybe life isn't that busy so there is time to text, text, and text. I have realized in my 40s, I want different things than I may have wanted when I was in my 30s.
I found in my 40s, after coming late to the dating game, patience was not one of my virtues. I expected to have the same "perks" as those that were on time to this exclusive club. I must have had about a thousand "one last times" on the dating sites. And yet time and time again, I was drawn back to try again. Do you know how many blogs, articles, and "how tos" there are in cyber world regarding what rules women should follow when it comes to dating? And there are just as many that men are "supposed" to follow. Every time I didn't find who I was looking for on one of those dating sites, I felt defeated. A failure. Rejected. I found it hard to wait on God's timing. Instant gratification. Yep. That's what I wanted. But there was a six month period that made me realize if I trusted Him, everything would be fine.
One of my favorite movies, Sex and the City has a couple of good quotes. "Why is it we are willing to write our own vows, but not our own rules?" I have been dating this wonderful man for coming up on two months. I am just now starting to feel somewhat comfortable about the relationship. In the beginning (and there are still days) I was checking off what rules were followed and not followed. I was soliciting input from people I didn't even know. Reading their thoughts....they were only offering opinions from how their relationship(s) were. He wasn't texting enough. He wasn't following the "script." Then it happened.
That talk. And yet I had not yet researched the rules on "the talk." How it was supposed to happen. The words that were supposed to be spoken. Yet at a table on his back porch he said what I wanted to hear, in his own words. Going rogue and using his own script. In the end, I had to hide the fact it brought me to tears....happy tears. Yet those stupid rules were still in my head. Even after he basically said he wasn't going to follow them. That's when I realized every relationship is different. Relationships are not One Size Fits All. If they were, now boring would that be?!
I am learning (slowly) I do not need texts to take over my phone to know he is interested. Why are texts equated to the level of interest? A friend of mine put texting in perspective. It was selfish of her to want to text and/or talk every day/ all day. This guy that I light up when I see. I can't wait to see. He in a position of leadership. A leader of about 30 people. Plus suppliers from all over the world. And he is not in his 20s or 30s. Our generation did grow up with the smart phone. There was no texting in our younger years.
Our relationship certainly does not fit the common mold. For the last two months, we've shared our budding relationship with bronchitis, the flu, serious stressful issues at work, and a sinus infection. Not the way I hoped to start a relationship. But I have to believe in faith and trust this is temporary. I now believe in God's timing. It was timing that brought us back together.
Blogs about dating rules have seriously tarnished how a relationship is supposed to be. How is a relationship to be enjoyed when there are rules for it? How is it to be enjoyed when the green texting bubble somehow takes hostages? Another quote, "Maybe when we put a label on people....bride, broom, single, married, girlfriend, boyfriend, we look past the person." The obsession with silly rules, causes me to look past what a wonderful man this person is. Why should I be concerned at how often he texts?
I don't want a One Size Fits All relationship. I want one that fits me. That feels comfortable. I would rather admire his passion for working hard, being a great parent, and a great boyfriend. One where I focus on how he makes me feel. His bear hugs when he opens the door. How I feel when he says my name. That's the kind I want.
Christina
...and I'm dating.........and afraid.